1 00:00:28,244 --> 00:00:31,045 - Immigration? - Revenue. 2 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:35,250 Missus Rose! There are people here from the government! 3 00:00:41,956 --> 00:00:44,543 I've been gutted! 4 00:00:44,593 --> 00:00:46,560 John, I've been stripped of every morsel of pleasure 5 00:00:46,595 --> 00:00:49,297 I earned in this life! 6 00:00:49,331 --> 00:00:50,631 Well, how do you think I feel, Moira?! 7 00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:53,167 Eli was family, for God's sake! 8 00:00:53,201 --> 00:00:56,469 Leave your finances to me, he said! Son of a bitch! 9 00:00:56,504 --> 00:00:57,737 Baby, it's crazy, people are just like, 10 00:00:57,772 --> 00:01:00,174 taking our stuff! 11 00:01:00,208 --> 00:01:02,843 I said, they're taking our stuff! 12 00:01:02,877 --> 00:01:05,279 Can you just step out of the club for a second, ple... 13 00:01:05,313 --> 00:01:07,514 Hold on, hold on! Those bags are not for you, 14 00:01:07,548 --> 00:01:09,082 my boyfriend bought those for me, 15 00:01:09,117 --> 00:01:11,118 so, theoretically, they are his! 16 00:01:11,152 --> 00:01:13,386 Please sir, can you step aside? 17 00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:16,323 No, you step aside! You step aside! 18 00:01:16,357 --> 00:01:17,724 I'm still trying to wrap my mind around 19 00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,659 what kind of a sick person wants to get paid 20 00:01:19,694 --> 00:01:21,828 to destroy another person's life! 21 00:01:21,862 --> 00:01:25,198 Destroy another person's life! 22 00:01:25,232 --> 00:01:26,633 Where are you taking that?! 23 00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:29,368 My very soul has been kidnapped, 24 00:01:29,402 --> 00:01:32,338 there's no ransom, no one's coming to save me! 25 00:01:32,372 --> 00:01:33,940 We've got 15 minutes to collect our personals, 26 00:01:33,974 --> 00:01:36,575 - can we pick up the pace?! - No, no! 27 00:01:36,609 --> 00:01:38,777 Did you put Kristen with Robin? They don't like each other! 28 00:01:38,812 --> 00:01:42,581 Nooooo! Nooooo! 29 00:01:42,615 --> 00:01:44,416 Eli really did a number, Johnny. 30 00:01:44,451 --> 00:01:46,719 He took everything. 31 00:01:46,753 --> 00:01:49,054 They're still looking for him, they think he's in the Caymans. 32 00:01:49,088 --> 00:01:51,089 He was our business manager, he's supposed to pay taxes! 33 00:01:51,123 --> 00:01:53,359 Hmm. 34 00:01:53,393 --> 00:01:55,927 There is a very small amount set aside for you, 35 00:01:55,962 --> 00:01:58,397 and one asset the government has allowed you to retain. 36 00:01:58,431 --> 00:02:01,199 The kids. 37 00:02:01,234 --> 00:02:05,603 The children are dependents, Moira. 38 00:02:05,637 --> 00:02:09,540 You bought a small town in 1991, Johnny. 39 00:02:09,575 --> 00:02:12,710 Yes, I bought that as a joke for my son. 40 00:02:12,745 --> 00:02:15,780 Wait, you actually purchased that town? 41 00:02:15,814 --> 00:02:19,417 Yes, I purchased the town, how else could I get the deed? 42 00:02:19,451 --> 00:02:22,152 - You could've photo shopped the deed! - And saved the money! 43 00:02:22,187 --> 00:02:24,756 Why would I Photoshop a deed, the joke was owning the town! 44 00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:26,090 - Okay, stop. - That was the joke! 45 00:02:26,124 --> 00:02:27,258 - Oh my God! - Well, that was the joke! 46 00:02:27,292 --> 00:02:29,627 To Johnny's credit... 47 00:02:29,661 --> 00:02:33,130 This town just might be your saving grace, at least for a while. 48 00:02:33,164 --> 00:02:34,632 What do you mean? 49 00:02:34,666 --> 00:02:35,933 You can live there for next to nothing, 50 00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:37,701 until you get back on your feet. 51 00:02:37,735 --> 00:02:39,636 I'm sure there's a penthouse we can move into, 52 00:02:39,670 --> 00:02:42,106 please, there are other options. 53 00:02:42,140 --> 00:02:44,041 Well, homelessness is still on the table. 54 00:02:58,222 --> 00:03:01,691 The whole time I was surrounded by old women wearing visors, 55 00:03:01,726 --> 00:03:04,528 who smelled like yams! 56 00:03:04,562 --> 00:03:07,030 There was nowhere to lie down! 57 00:03:07,064 --> 00:03:08,731 There was nowhere to lie down, there was no bed! 58 00:03:08,765 --> 00:03:10,466 There was no kitchen. 59 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,535 I know! 60 00:03:12,569 --> 00:03:15,238 No. 61 00:03:15,272 --> 00:03:16,505 I don't know what to tell you, there's like, 62 00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:19,342 cows all over the place, like, everywhere. 63 00:03:19,376 --> 00:03:21,510 I don't know if there's even a station, 64 00:03:21,545 --> 00:03:23,446 I don't know what's happening! 65 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,483 Johnny Rose! 66 00:03:27,517 --> 00:03:29,752 Roland Schitt. 67 00:03:29,786 --> 00:03:31,687 Oh, you're the mayor we're supposed to meet. 68 00:03:31,721 --> 00:03:33,789 That's right, I'm the mayor, 69 00:03:33,824 --> 00:03:35,658 so if you're looking for an ass to kiss, it's mine! 70 00:03:38,495 --> 00:03:41,930 Oh, this is my family, my son... 71 00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:43,265 Let's get you all squared away in the office there, Johnny, 72 00:03:43,299 --> 00:03:45,334 okay, the gals can grab the bags, 73 00:03:45,368 --> 00:03:46,668 you follow me, all right, right this way, 74 00:03:46,702 --> 00:03:49,037 watch it, honey, here we come. 75 00:03:49,072 --> 00:03:50,839 The "Cheaters" marathon we watched, it's like that. 76 00:03:50,873 --> 00:03:52,774 Children, keep an eye on these bags. 77 00:03:52,808 --> 00:03:56,678 Apparently in hell, there's no bellman! 78 00:03:56,712 --> 00:03:59,013 - David, what are we... - Shut up! 79 00:03:59,047 --> 00:04:00,748 - You shut up! - You shut up! 80 00:04:00,783 --> 00:04:05,487 - Um, you shut up! - You shhhut up! 81 00:04:05,521 --> 00:04:07,622 The name is Rose. 82 00:04:07,656 --> 00:04:10,458 I don't see a reservation under that name. 83 00:04:10,493 --> 00:04:12,927 It's okay, Stevie, I set aside two rooms for them. 84 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,962 Well, there's nothing here. 85 00:04:14,997 --> 00:04:16,763 Well okay, fine, just book 'em in with two rooms, 86 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,066 these people own the town; They're big deals. 87 00:04:19,101 --> 00:04:20,934 We'll need three rooms, minimum. 88 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,237 Ooh, no can do, honey. 89 00:04:23,271 --> 00:04:25,939 Look, we have a one room comp policy here, 90 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:29,076 and I am personally throwing in an extra room out of sheer decency, so... 91 00:04:29,111 --> 00:04:31,144 What about suites? Do you have a couple of suites? 92 00:04:31,178 --> 00:04:32,479 This guy! 93 00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:34,180 Um... 94 00:04:34,215 --> 00:04:37,784 No, this is a motel, 95 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:41,287 so we cater more to off road truckers and drunk teenagers. 96 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:44,357 Please, someone just give me a key, to a door, 97 00:04:44,392 --> 00:04:47,793 to a room any room! I just want a bathtub, 98 00:04:47,828 --> 00:04:50,963 and a long extension cord, please. 99 00:04:50,998 --> 00:04:53,166 There you go, ma'am. 100 00:04:58,205 --> 00:05:00,206 It smells like a gym bag. 101 00:05:00,241 --> 00:05:02,608 Does anyone else feel light headed? 102 00:05:02,643 --> 00:05:06,211 Oh my God, this takes me back to high school. 103 00:05:06,246 --> 00:05:09,715 You know, I did the deed in just about every room in this place. 104 00:05:09,750 --> 00:05:12,184 Yep, if a forensic team came in here 105 00:05:12,218 --> 00:05:14,420 with one of those blue lights, this place would just light up! 106 00:05:14,454 --> 00:05:16,656 Okay, that's good. 107 00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:18,457 - Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! - Oh my God. Oh my God! 108 00:05:18,491 --> 00:05:20,859 Oh hey, chief, the other room's right through there. 109 00:05:20,893 --> 00:05:22,461 Here you go. 110 00:05:25,765 --> 00:05:27,766 And there's the bed, 111 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:32,037 I should probably pull off that cover, and... burn it. 112 00:05:32,072 --> 00:05:34,540 All right. 113 00:05:34,574 --> 00:05:38,743 Good, Roland, thank you very much, appreciate everything, uh... 114 00:05:38,778 --> 00:05:39,778 ... Have a ball in the land down under! 115 00:05:39,812 --> 00:05:41,345 Ever wanna ride a kangaroo? 116 00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:44,082 Okay. 117 00:05:44,116 --> 00:05:46,918 Okay. 118 00:05:46,953 --> 00:05:50,455 - Okay. - Oof! 119 00:05:50,489 --> 00:05:52,591 Okay, okay. 120 00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:54,892 Okay, okay, okay. 121 00:05:54,926 --> 00:05:58,662 Okay. Okay. 122 00:05:58,697 --> 00:06:01,165 Okay. Okay! 123 00:06:04,936 --> 00:06:08,372 Okay. Okay. I love you! 124 00:06:08,407 --> 00:06:12,876 Oh, okay, well, it looks like you got all the channels 125 00:06:12,911 --> 00:06:15,813 except for Channel 19 for some reason. I don't know why. 126 00:06:15,847 --> 00:06:17,748 Well, the thing is we won't be watching a lot of television, 127 00:06:17,782 --> 00:06:20,484 but again, thank you, 128 00:06:20,518 --> 00:06:23,020 I don't want to keep you, I know you're a busy man. 129 00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:39,136 Whoa! 130 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,173 Hi. 131 00:06:44,207 --> 00:06:46,308 Can I help you? 132 00:06:46,343 --> 00:06:47,910 I'm looking for an extra towel, Okay... 133 00:06:47,945 --> 00:06:49,612 And this might be a stupid question, 134 00:06:49,647 --> 00:06:51,648 considering the state of the rugs in our room, 135 00:06:51,682 --> 00:06:56,119 but do you have a business centre here? 136 00:06:56,153 --> 00:06:59,421 Yes, we do have a business center. 137 00:06:59,456 --> 00:07:01,323 You can find it right outside the doors to your left, 138 00:07:01,358 --> 00:07:04,960 right beside the hammam spa. 139 00:07:04,994 --> 00:07:06,228 Would you like me to book you a treatment while you're at it? 140 00:07:06,263 --> 00:07:08,197 Thank you, no, just the towel, thanks. 141 00:07:08,231 --> 00:07:10,132 I'll get those right out. 142 00:07:14,371 --> 00:07:16,237 Well Roland, once again, thank you for giving us 143 00:07:16,272 --> 00:07:17,806 the lay of the land here, 144 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,908 but we have some serious unpacking to do. 145 00:07:19,942 --> 00:07:22,544 - Oh, sure! - If you don't mind. 146 00:07:22,578 --> 00:07:25,113 No problem there, Johnny, I don't mind helpin' out. 147 00:07:25,148 --> 00:07:27,515 Listen, one thing before I go here, um... 148 00:07:29,752 --> 00:07:31,586 Do you mind if I use your toilet? 149 00:07:33,922 --> 00:07:37,992 Is it absolutely necessary? 150 00:07:38,026 --> 00:07:40,361 Uh, yeah, I would say it's absolutely necessary! 151 00:07:42,665 --> 00:07:43,964 Excuse me. 152 00:07:43,999 --> 00:07:45,933 Absolutely necessary. 153 00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:48,203 Yes, that train has left the station, 154 00:07:48,237 --> 00:07:50,237 if you know what I mean! 155 00:07:53,141 --> 00:07:56,043 - I need that bed. - Why? 156 00:07:56,078 --> 00:07:57,377 - Because I need it. - Why? 157 00:07:57,412 --> 00:07:58,913 Because if someone were to break in here 158 00:07:58,947 --> 00:08:00,081 in the middle of the night wanting to murder us, 159 00:08:00,115 --> 00:08:01,448 they would attack this bed first, 160 00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:04,118 so I need this bed. 161 00:08:04,152 --> 00:08:06,653 So you're saying that you want me to get murdered first?! 162 00:08:06,688 --> 00:08:08,722 In front of you? And then what would you do? 163 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,591 Would you just run away and leave me to bleed out... 164 00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:12,392 On the floor?! 165 00:08:12,427 --> 00:08:15,562 Uh, sort of, that was the plan, yeah. 166 00:08:15,597 --> 00:08:18,064 Okay. Well, you can have the bed when I leave. 167 00:08:18,099 --> 00:08:20,634 Well, where are you going? 168 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:21,935 Stavros is flying in to get me, I told you that. 169 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:25,105 What do you mean Stavros is com... 170 00:08:25,139 --> 00:08:27,207 What do you mean? When? When is he doing that? 171 00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:29,242 Like, whenever stupid Mary-Kate stops hogging his plane. 172 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:32,411 Well, where are we going? 173 00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:36,382 Okay, at present, he's just coming for me, 174 00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,251 but then I figured that we would just come back 175 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:41,287 and grab you guys at some point. 176 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:44,523 What kind of sociopath abandons her family in some vomit soaked dump, 177 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,629 to gallivant around the world 178 00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,664 with her dumb shipping heir loser boyfriend 179 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,199 she's known for three months?! 180 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,869 Um, David, it will be four months next month! 181 00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:59,204 Oh my God! 182 00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:02,407 And he just told me that he could potentially see himself 183 00:09:02,441 --> 00:09:03,842 considering saying "I love you" 184 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,178 at some point sometime soon, so... 185 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,746 That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 186 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,581 I'm telling mom. I'm telling mom and dad, have you told them? 187 00:09:09,615 --> 00:09:12,284 No! No David, I'm waiting for the right opportunity. 188 00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:14,319 Okay, otherwise dad's gonna cry, 189 00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:16,187 and mom's gonna do that thing 190 00:09:16,221 --> 00:09:17,889 where she pretends that nothing's wrong, 191 00:09:17,923 --> 00:09:19,257 and then just doesn't talk to me for five months, 192 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,325 and I don't want that. 193 00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:23,828 Well, I need this bed! I need it, so. 194 00:09:23,862 --> 00:09:26,063 You know what, David?! 195 00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:28,099 You get murdered first for once! 196 00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:30,201 No, you get murdered first! 197 00:09:30,235 --> 00:09:32,503 David, you get murdered first! 198 00:09:32,537 --> 00:09:34,638 No, you! You do it! 199 00:09:34,673 --> 00:09:37,008 Yes, you get murdered first! David, you get murdered first! 200 00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:51,254 I actually think this place is kinda cute. 201 00:09:51,289 --> 00:09:53,390 Did you say cute? 202 00:09:53,425 --> 00:09:56,893 No Alexis, Martha Stewart's Hampton home is cute. 203 00:09:59,197 --> 00:10:01,198 Where's that weird man? 204 00:10:01,232 --> 00:10:04,267 Where? 205 00:10:04,302 --> 00:10:05,836 He's in the bathroom. 206 00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:08,138 He... he won't leave! 207 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,040 Well, he's been in there for a very long ti... 208 00:10:10,074 --> 00:10:13,043 Oh my God! Oh my God! 209 00:10:13,077 --> 00:10:16,379 Jeez. Um... Boy. 210 00:10:16,413 --> 00:10:17,913 Remind me to get that window fixed. 211 00:10:17,948 --> 00:10:19,949 It will not open. 212 00:10:19,983 --> 00:10:21,751 Roland, listen, thank you very much, 213 00:10:21,785 --> 00:10:23,653 but I appreciate everything you've done, 214 00:10:23,687 --> 00:10:27,289 we need a little private time now, as a family. 215 00:10:27,324 --> 00:10:31,293 Sure, well actually, those curtains do close there so... 216 00:10:31,328 --> 00:10:33,996 Oh, look! You've got Channel 19! 217 00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:37,499 Roland, could you get the fuck out?! 218 00:10:37,533 --> 00:10:40,236 This latest model is a revelation in innovation. 219 00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:42,738 I am not lying folks, it's gonna last you a lifetime. 220 00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:46,708 You are gonna thank... 221 00:10:46,743 --> 00:10:50,545 That was an overreaction. That was uncalled for. 222 00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:53,281 It's just... you know, we're a little tired, 223 00:10:53,315 --> 00:10:55,817 it's been a long day, 224 00:10:55,852 --> 00:10:58,820 there's a pharmacy worth of drugs wearing off 225 00:10:58,855 --> 00:11:00,889 on most of us right now, and I just think as a family, 226 00:11:00,923 --> 00:11:02,957 we just need a little time to chill. 227 00:11:02,992 --> 00:11:06,227 Johnny, please, you don't have to apologize, 228 00:11:06,262 --> 00:11:07,862 and you really don't have to hit me over the head 229 00:11:07,897 --> 00:11:09,730 with this sort of thing, I get it, 230 00:11:09,765 --> 00:11:12,133 you need your little family time and all that, I'm sure. 231 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:14,102 No problem. 232 00:11:14,136 --> 00:11:16,871 You know what I'll do, I'll um... 233 00:11:16,906 --> 00:11:20,141 I'll just get the fuck out of here. 234 00:11:34,596 --> 00:11:36,397 Ugh, we have to eat in here?! 235 00:11:36,431 --> 00:11:39,066 I think it's kinda sweet. 236 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:42,169 Alexis, what's going on with you? 237 00:11:42,203 --> 00:11:45,039 - What do you mean? - Seriously?! 238 00:11:45,073 --> 00:11:47,174 The room was "cute," this place is "sweet." 239 00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:49,276 I am personally offended by this place, 240 00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:51,912 I don't know what you think is nice about it. 241 00:11:51,946 --> 00:11:55,782 The town is disgusting. It is gruesome. 242 00:11:55,816 --> 00:12:00,487 It is charming, it is quaint, it's like out of a storybook. 243 00:12:00,521 --> 00:12:04,457 Alexis, what the hell is the matter with you?! 244 00:12:04,492 --> 00:12:08,495 Okay... Stavros is flying in to get me, 245 00:12:08,529 --> 00:12:10,597 and I am going to go live with him for a little bit. 246 00:12:10,631 --> 00:12:12,899 Well, that is not happening. 247 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,034 And I am appalled that my baby girl 248 00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:17,804 has turned into a selfish, duplicitous whore! 249 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,939 Oh, hello! 250 00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,675 Hi, I'm Twyla. I'll be your waitress today. 251 00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:25,477 Anyway, I read about you guys, 252 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,914 and everything you've gone through, it sounds super crappy. 253 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,881 Super crappy? 254 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,750 I had a second cousin in Elmdale 255 00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:34,253 who did telemarketing, he made a ton of money. 256 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,787 It turns out his entire business was illegal, 257 00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,289 and he lost everything. 258 00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:39,925 Hm... not quite the same. 259 00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:42,628 Yeah, no, he went to prison, which is terrible, but... 260 00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:46,231 But he is learning Spanish, no mas, le duele! 261 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,299 I think it means, "stop, it hurts." 262 00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,602 Oh, wonderful anecdote. 263 00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,070 Could you give us a moment please? 264 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,472 Whenever you're ready, I'm just right over here. 265 00:12:54,506 --> 00:12:57,209 I forbid you to abandon our family. 266 00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,144 I am a grown woman, mother. 267 00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:01,046 This is an act of a spoiled child! 268 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,315 I think it's unforgivable! 269 00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,617 I think that you're just super jealous, 270 00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:08,286 'cause I'm getting out of here! 271 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,555 Also, you have a big thing of dandruff on your eyebrow. 272 00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:12,323 - Don't do that! - Kids, stop, stop! 273 00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,225 The world is falling apart around us John, 274 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,628 and I'm dying inside. 275 00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,829 Well, I'm feeling a little queasy myself. 276 00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:21,498 Oh, brisket! 277 00:13:21,532 --> 00:13:23,100 - Give me... some spale! - David! 278 00:13:30,341 --> 00:13:32,977 John... 279 00:13:33,011 --> 00:13:34,811 - Oh my God! - Umm... 280 00:13:38,983 --> 00:13:41,618 These rooms did have doors, didn't they? 281 00:13:41,653 --> 00:13:43,320 Yeah, it's a hotel, they're hotel rooms! 282 00:13:43,354 --> 00:13:46,122 It's a motel! These are motel rooms. 283 00:13:46,157 --> 00:13:48,224 What if they took our stuff?! 284 00:13:48,259 --> 00:13:49,926 What stuff? There's no stuff to take. 285 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,227 I have stuff! 286 00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:56,232 Son of a bitch! 287 00:14:02,472 --> 00:14:03,840 Yeah, I've got a problem. 288 00:14:03,874 --> 00:14:05,875 If this is about doors... 289 00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:07,576 Yeah, it's about doors, yeah, my doors are gone, 290 00:14:07,611 --> 00:14:10,045 my front door, somebody stole my doors! 291 00:14:10,079 --> 00:14:11,980 Yeah, you're gonna have to talk to Roland about that. 292 00:14:12,015 --> 00:14:13,783 He lives just down the street, you make a left out of the motel 293 00:14:13,817 --> 00:14:15,718 and then another left. 294 00:14:15,752 --> 00:14:17,687 It's a house with a truck in the driveway. 295 00:14:17,721 --> 00:14:22,358 There's a bumper sticker of a naked Helen Mirren. 296 00:14:22,392 --> 00:14:27,095 Oh my God, no! No! No! 297 00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:29,731 - What?! - Ah! My earrings! They were there. 298 00:14:29,765 --> 00:14:31,133 - They're not there! - Where did they go? 299 00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:33,435 I don't know! 300 00:14:33,469 --> 00:14:35,337 I don't know! First you threatened to abandon me, 301 00:14:35,371 --> 00:14:37,706 and now my precious diamonds are gone! 302 00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:39,975 Okay, you are super dramatic right now. 303 00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:43,010 Shut up and look for them! 304 00:14:52,221 --> 00:14:55,890 Get open! 305 00:14:59,761 --> 00:15:02,696 Roland, I see you behind the truck! 306 00:15:02,731 --> 00:15:04,698 Yeah, of course you see me. 307 00:15:04,733 --> 00:15:06,167 I'm looking at my gravel. 308 00:15:08,570 --> 00:15:11,072 Gravel these days, what are you gonna do? 309 00:15:11,106 --> 00:15:13,841 - Yeah, it's gravel. - Yeah, it's gravel! 310 00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:15,942 Hey, good news for you. 311 00:15:15,977 --> 00:15:18,345 I talked to a guy about that bathroom window. 312 00:15:18,380 --> 00:15:20,714 That's the least of my concerns right now! 313 00:15:20,749 --> 00:15:23,917 Oh really? Well, why don't we address your concerns?! 314 00:15:23,951 --> 00:15:27,220 The doors! I want my doors back! 315 00:15:27,255 --> 00:15:28,321 - Oh! - Before it gets dark! 316 00:15:28,356 --> 00:15:30,623 My son is afraid of moths. 317 00:15:30,657 --> 00:15:32,525 Oh, hmm. Well, here's the thing about that Johnny, 318 00:15:32,559 --> 00:15:35,095 you see, you did a bad thing. 319 00:15:35,129 --> 00:15:37,463 You disrespected me in front of your family! 320 00:15:37,498 --> 00:15:38,631 And now they think less of me. 321 00:15:38,665 --> 00:15:41,467 I doubt that's possible. 322 00:15:41,502 --> 00:15:43,370 And to be honest, you were kinda breathing down our necks 323 00:15:43,404 --> 00:15:45,671 a little bit back at the motel. 324 00:15:45,706 --> 00:15:48,608 Johnny, when I was a kid and I did a bad thing, 325 00:15:48,642 --> 00:15:51,277 my father took the doors off my room. 326 00:15:51,311 --> 00:15:55,347 And he said to me, "Roland, privacy is earned." 327 00:15:55,382 --> 00:15:58,384 I am having a tough time following that. 328 00:15:58,419 --> 00:16:00,252 What the hell does that have to do with privacy? 329 00:16:00,287 --> 00:16:03,622 Nothing. I just got mad, and I took your doors. 330 00:16:03,656 --> 00:16:06,191 Look, if you took offense to anything I said 331 00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:09,061 back at the motel, just know it wasn't personal. 332 00:16:11,564 --> 00:16:14,566 All right, apology accepted. 333 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,767 Well, that was less of an apology, 334 00:16:15,802 --> 00:16:17,269 and more of an explanation. 335 00:16:17,304 --> 00:16:18,270 Nevertheless, I accept your apology. 336 00:16:18,305 --> 00:16:20,371 Which it wasn't! 337 00:16:20,406 --> 00:16:23,141 So thank you again for that apology. 338 00:16:23,175 --> 00:16:24,776 Well, there was no apology, and I can't do this anymore! 339 00:16:24,811 --> 00:16:26,778 You said you're sorry in a very sweet and humble way, 340 00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:28,613 and that takes a big man to do that, 341 00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:31,516 and that's what Johnny Rose is! A big man! Ooh! 342 00:16:36,055 --> 00:16:38,622 Oh! 343 00:16:38,657 --> 00:16:41,926 Hello! Hello! 344 00:16:41,961 --> 00:16:44,628 Hi, hello, come here, please. 345 00:16:44,663 --> 00:16:49,267 I don't suppose you saw any hobos or crackheads 346 00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,836 loitering around the hotel today? 347 00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:54,672 No crackheads, no... 348 00:16:54,706 --> 00:16:57,475 While the rooms were exposed to the world like a Moroccan fair, 349 00:16:57,509 --> 00:17:00,578 someone got in here and stole my earrings. 350 00:17:00,612 --> 00:17:04,648 But it was just... but it was just you here today. 351 00:17:04,683 --> 00:17:07,718 - It was. - It was. 352 00:17:07,752 --> 00:17:11,021 I'm assuming you were the only one here on the premises today? 353 00:17:11,055 --> 00:17:13,556 I think I know where you're going with this. 354 00:17:13,591 --> 00:17:17,961 No, I'm simply confirming that you alone were here 355 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,197 when the earrings were stolen. 356 00:17:20,231 --> 00:17:21,164 Are you asking me if I stole your earrings? 357 00:17:21,199 --> 00:17:24,267 No, I would never, please! 358 00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:27,370 But I also would certainly never press charges 359 00:17:27,404 --> 00:17:30,239 if my earrings were suddenly to be returned. 360 00:17:30,273 --> 00:17:33,275 If they suddenly reappeared, 361 00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:35,244 if you gave them back I would not press charges, 362 00:17:35,278 --> 00:17:37,480 I would look the other way. 363 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,281 Okay, you know what? I gotta run. 364 00:17:39,316 --> 00:17:41,484 'Cause I wanna hit the pawn shop before it closes. 365 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,652 I owe my crack dealer a ton of money, so. 366 00:17:43,686 --> 00:17:46,555 You seem like you have this under control, though. 367 00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:48,224 What just happened?! 368 00:17:48,258 --> 00:17:50,726 David, I politely asked that concierge girl 369 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:53,429 if she had stolen my earrings, and she turned ice cold, 370 00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:55,464 and now she's on her way to a pawn shop! 371 00:17:55,499 --> 00:17:57,900 What?! I need a towel! 372 00:17:57,934 --> 00:18:00,135 Hello, hi. 373 00:18:00,169 --> 00:18:02,504 Hi, I am sorry if my mom accused you 374 00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:04,640 - of taking something. - It's fine. 375 00:18:04,674 --> 00:18:06,642 Okay, but does this mean that when you're cleaning our rooms, 376 00:18:06,676 --> 00:18:08,476 you're gonna put weird stuff in our beds out of spite, or something? 377 00:18:08,511 --> 00:18:10,078 I won't be cleaning your room. 378 00:18:10,112 --> 00:18:11,647 Okay, can I ask you a question? 379 00:18:11,681 --> 00:18:13,749 Shoot. 380 00:18:13,783 --> 00:18:14,816 I think you're kind of rude! 381 00:18:14,851 --> 00:18:17,118 Is that a question? 382 00:18:17,153 --> 00:18:20,255 I have asked you thrice now for a towel, 383 00:18:20,289 --> 00:18:23,058 so that I may wash this town off my body. 384 00:18:23,092 --> 00:18:24,325 Do you think I wanna be here? 385 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,061 Do you think I wanna be here?! 386 00:18:26,095 --> 00:18:27,762 I don't know what you want, 387 00:18:27,796 --> 00:18:29,864 you've given me one word answers since I got here! 388 00:18:29,898 --> 00:18:31,799 So if I get you a towel you'll stop following me to my car? 389 00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:35,796 Yes! Yes! 390 00:18:35,831 --> 00:18:38,432 Fine, but I'm only doing this because you called me rude, 391 00:18:38,466 --> 00:18:40,635 and I take that as a compliment. 392 00:18:40,669 --> 00:18:42,803 The man is a lunatic! 393 00:18:42,838 --> 00:18:44,404 What the hell happened here? 394 00:18:44,439 --> 00:18:46,807 We've been robbed. 395 00:18:46,842 --> 00:18:50,110 Right now some local is pawning my earrings for crank. 396 00:18:50,145 --> 00:18:51,911 - Your diamonds?! - Yes, my diamonds, 397 00:18:51,946 --> 00:18:53,880 the one thing I could hide under my tongue. 398 00:18:53,914 --> 00:18:58,385 Moira, I took your earrings out of here, 399 00:18:58,419 --> 00:19:02,222 and I put them in my shoe. For safekeeping. 400 00:19:02,257 --> 00:19:06,192 No! No! 401 00:19:06,226 --> 00:19:08,928 Stavros just texted me. 402 00:19:08,963 --> 00:19:11,264 And he ended it, he's not coming! 403 00:19:11,298 --> 00:19:12,732 He said he doesn't have time to come and get me, 404 00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:16,069 because he already rsvp'd to Diddy's white party, 405 00:19:16,103 --> 00:19:18,538 and doesn't have time to do both! 406 00:19:18,572 --> 00:19:20,373 But I was supposed to be his date to the white party! 407 00:19:20,407 --> 00:19:24,644 Alexis, he was never my favourite Stavros. 408 00:19:24,678 --> 00:19:26,279 I've hated that guy ever since he asked me 409 00:19:26,313 --> 00:19:28,548 to do lines with him at my sixtieth. 410 00:19:28,582 --> 00:19:30,949 Just out of sheer curiosity, 411 00:19:30,984 --> 00:19:33,786 um, where do you stand now 412 00:19:33,820 --> 00:19:35,721 on whether or not you think this motel is cute? 413 00:19:35,755 --> 00:19:36,822 Like, is it still cute, or is it... 414 00:19:36,856 --> 00:19:38,857 You're a dick, David! 415 00:19:38,892 --> 00:19:40,659 Oh, I'm a dick! 416 00:19:40,694 --> 00:19:42,561 Okay, did I dump you for a party?! 417 00:19:42,595 --> 00:19:43,929 David, help me with the doors. 418 00:19:43,963 --> 00:19:46,131 No I can't, I just got out of the shower. 419 00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:47,299 - I need help with the doors. - Oh my God! 420 00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:49,001 David, help him with the doors! 421 00:19:49,035 --> 00:19:50,703 - You help him with the doors! - No! 422 00:19:50,737 --> 00:19:51,837 David, could you help me with the doors?! 423 00:19:51,871 --> 00:19:53,405 It's air drying! 424 00:19:53,439 --> 00:19:56,007 Pick up a hammer, and nail this coffin shut! 425 00:19:58,654 --> 00:20:00,300 As if I didn't see this coming. 426 00:20:01,058 --> 00:20:04,494 He's broken up with me five times already. 427 00:20:04,528 --> 00:20:07,930 Like, there was that time that he never met me in Rio, 428 00:20:07,965 --> 00:20:09,431 and remember that time that he gave me 429 00:20:09,466 --> 00:20:12,335 his ex wife's engagement ring? 430 00:20:12,369 --> 00:20:14,737 And then, last summer, 431 00:20:14,771 --> 00:20:16,873 that time that he left his Molly 432 00:20:16,907 --> 00:20:18,640 in my glove compartment, and then I got arrested? 433 00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:21,310 Oh my God! Can you do me a huge favour? 434 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:24,045 And never repeat this to anyone that you respect, okay? 435 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,115 - Okay? Okay. - Okay. 436 00:20:27,149 --> 00:20:29,418 Kids, we just came in to say good night, 437 00:20:29,452 --> 00:20:33,154 and to remind you that we will get through this... 438 00:20:33,189 --> 00:20:34,690 - Okay, good night! - As a family... 439 00:20:34,724 --> 00:20:37,125 Warmest regards to you both. 440 00:20:37,159 --> 00:20:41,196 And that will end up on our feet in no time! 441 00:20:41,230 --> 00:20:43,131 Of course, by then our feet will be shoeless, 442 00:20:43,165 --> 00:20:45,200 and filthy and mangled, 443 00:20:45,234 --> 00:20:48,937 from walking on cigarette butts and broken beer bottles. 444 00:20:48,971 --> 00:20:52,707 So, seriously Alexis, enough about Stavros! 445 00:20:52,741 --> 00:20:56,778 I'm sorry if I am going through something right now! 446 00:20:56,812 --> 00:20:58,045 You're going through something?! 447 00:21:08,557 --> 00:21:11,091 - Good night, children. - Good night! 448 00:21:11,126 --> 00:21:13,627 - Good night. - Good night. 449 00:21:13,661 --> 00:21:14,895 Let's all pray we don't wake up. 450 00:21:14,896 --> 00:21:20,503 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -